I was having lunch last week with SaraDear herself and somehow we got on the topic of marriage. This is nothing new for us, we cover everything from weird things we noticed while getting ready that morning to the newest Essie nail polish. There really is no off-limits topic to us. While discussing marriage we really got into the nitty-gritty of how much work a marriage is. Not in a 'full time job' type work but more in an emotional type of work. I am a firm believer in the 'marriage takes work' saying. It takes work on both sides to keep things interesting.
Now, a while back I talked about ways to date your spouse, but I don't really think I touched on why you should date your spouse. So today, we are going with the 'marriage takes work' theme and discussing ways to keep the spark alive and the stress level minimal.
I will be the first to admit that I was the type pre-marriage, pre-engagement that said that marriage was easy. I mean, what gets better than living with your then boyfriend and spending the rest of eternity together? Well, the answer was nothing, really, but when J and I moved in together we went a little backwards and bought a house, then got engaged, then had a baby, then got married. Judge me if you want to, a complicated pregnancy really killed my wedding plans (more on that later). So, in all aspects I got a true sense of what marriage would be before I even said yes to a proposal. There were times that we fought because he liked his laundry folded one way and I simply didn't fold that way, but there were also times that we bonded about weird things (can we say backyard landscape?). But, with each fight, it brought us closer (after briefly pulling us apart), but it wasn't until I actually said "I do" until I really started to realize how much work a marriage is.
Like I said in the beginning, its not so much work in the full-time job sense, but more so an emotional sense. In a marriage there will be days that you are emotionally tested to what feels like your breaking point. I won't bore you with the boring story of the time that I thought I was physically done because of how hard I was being emotionally tested.
Being a working couple (both husband and wife working), seems to take less work marriage wise, than only one spouse working. Not only does only one spouse working put that person in the lime-light to keep the household supplied with necessities but also keeping the lights on and the roof over the families head. The true test of my marriage came when I stopped working, at the time, I was 7.5 months pregnant. I loved my job, I loved the people I worked with but my doctor decided it was in my (and baby B's) best interest for me to be on bed rest. When I called J with this news and immediately he said that it was no problem and that I shouldn't plan to come back once baby B arrived. I could tell that there was a hint of hesitation and stress in his voice but he continued to support me staying home. There are days now (18-months later) that I question if I should go back to work to take the stress off of J to be the sole breadwinner, and every time I mention it to him, he always fights back with a very harsh no-way.
Now, you are likely asking yourself how me rambling about marriage and work has to do with dating your spouse. I will tell you. Dating is fun, you are carefree and basically you go out on a new adventure more often than not. When you finally settle into a marriage routine, you tend to spend more time working on the physical aspect of keeping your spouse attracted to you than you do actually spending time together and making memories. I've noticed more times than not that many people who get divorced or are getting divorced have no idea what their spouses interests are, because they chose not to work on their marriage and spend time with them. They certainly do not put "'Till death do us part" in wedding vows for shits and giggles. I think more people nowadays take that line for granted because its much easier to site irreconcilable differences and give up, than to work on the marriage and make it work and be in love the way you were when you wed. I can honestly say that since J and I have started taking time monthly (date over-night) to work on our marriage (outside the day to day), that we have become closer and I have learned that I love him more now than I did a month or two ago.
So, is marriage easy? No. Is it a walk in the park? No, if it was EVERYONE would get married at the drop of a hat. Should you take time out for you and your marriage monthly (Im talking NOOOOOO kids here)? YES!
Have a great week y'all!
A.B.
Like I said in the beginning, its not so much work in the full-time job sense, but more so an emotional sense. In a marriage there will be days that you are emotionally tested to what feels like your breaking point. I won't bore you with the boring story of the time that I thought I was physically done because of how hard I was being emotionally tested.
Being a working couple (both husband and wife working), seems to take less work marriage wise, than only one spouse working. Not only does only one spouse working put that person in the lime-light to keep the household supplied with necessities but also keeping the lights on and the roof over the families head. The true test of my marriage came when I stopped working, at the time, I was 7.5 months pregnant. I loved my job, I loved the people I worked with but my doctor decided it was in my (and baby B's) best interest for me to be on bed rest. When I called J with this news and immediately he said that it was no problem and that I shouldn't plan to come back once baby B arrived. I could tell that there was a hint of hesitation and stress in his voice but he continued to support me staying home. There are days now (18-months later) that I question if I should go back to work to take the stress off of J to be the sole breadwinner, and every time I mention it to him, he always fights back with a very harsh no-way.
Now, you are likely asking yourself how me rambling about marriage and work has to do with dating your spouse. I will tell you. Dating is fun, you are carefree and basically you go out on a new adventure more often than not. When you finally settle into a marriage routine, you tend to spend more time working on the physical aspect of keeping your spouse attracted to you than you do actually spending time together and making memories. I've noticed more times than not that many people who get divorced or are getting divorced have no idea what their spouses interests are, because they chose not to work on their marriage and spend time with them. They certainly do not put "'Till death do us part" in wedding vows for shits and giggles. I think more people nowadays take that line for granted because its much easier to site irreconcilable differences and give up, than to work on the marriage and make it work and be in love the way you were when you wed. I can honestly say that since J and I have started taking time monthly (date over-night) to work on our marriage (outside the day to day), that we have become closer and I have learned that I love him more now than I did a month or two ago.
So, is marriage easy? No. Is it a walk in the park? No, if it was EVERYONE would get married at the drop of a hat. Should you take time out for you and your marriage monthly (Im talking NOOOOOO kids here)? YES!
Have a great week y'all!
A.B.
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